[Knipps]

Found these and thought of this thread...

· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
· Life is sexually transmitted.
· Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
· Some people are like Slinkys. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
· Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
· Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
· Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?