[V]

i got bored, so here goes....

100 Paul-Facts:
#001: The other name my parents were considering for me was Anton.
#002: I hate tomatoes, but I love ketchup.
#003: I had a potato cannon, now the Demarest police have a potato cannon.
#004: I first met Aaron because I wanted his car, then he sold it, and I was stuck as his friend.
#005: I’ve owned 60 cars, and can remember all of them.
#006: I believe Coke is better from cans and Pepsi is better from bottles.
#007: Putting firecrackers in smoke detectors, bad idea.
#008: A Volvo seatbelt tried to kill me once. Don’t drink and wrap seatbelts around your neck.
#009: The Ocean gave me back my margarine bucket.
#010: A bicycle can cause $900 in damage to a car door. That cop showed up quick.
#011: First day driving a sports car… sand and gravel plus rear wheel drive equals scary.
#012: We told Laurie we had extra parts, she didn’t find the humor in it.
#013: Cadillac cars can’t climb snow piles. The bumpers aren’t strong enough.
#014: A proper size ball of dirt can bring down a moped and its rider.
#015: Frosty the Snowman never did anything to us. We were just bored.
#016: Raw hamburger meat sticks to wood siding surprisingly well.
#017: Wild rabbits don’t eat ice cubes.
#018: Oregano rolled in pieces of newspaper, yet another bad idea.
#019: I really did meet 2 girls that night, Aaron and his mom wouldn’t believe me.
#020: Bumping your head into a window can result in a shattered window.
#021: Running in place, on ice, while drunk, doesn’t end well.
#022: When crawling under a truck, watch out for hot exhaust pipes.
#023: Gummi bears ARE capable of sticking to the hood of a moving car.
#024: At 150mph, watch out for Toyotas that seem to appear out of no where.
#025: Cell phones can’t swim, no matter how much they say they can.
#026: Everclear and tonic water shot… they lied, the tonic does NOT take away the bite.
#027: Cops don’t accept beer when responding to noise complaints.
#028: If the Burger King shows up again, I won’t forget the cheeseburger in my pocket this time.
#029: Cops don’t search fat kids for eggs.
#030: I can’t dance, don’t ask me to for your own sake.
#031: A .39 BAC is my limit.
#032: Sport bikes and cops come close to hitting brand new BMWs.
#033: Wicker baskets don’t make good hats.
#034: If I make shots, don’t ask what’s in it, just take it.
#035: A car’s tire will beat a skateboard every time.
#036: If you steal a video camera, steal the battery charger too.
#037: Putting plastic wrap around cars is surprisingly fun.
#038: A ceiling lamp left on the trunk of my car one night apparently symbolized I am “bright”.
#039: I should have thought twice when I said “just don’t hit me in the face”
#040: An antenna ripped off one car makes a good tool for breaking into another.
#041: Six people can lift the back of a Honda CRX and move it across a parking lot.
#042: Tree branch, ladder, and chainsaw… can result in personal injury.
#043: Bacardi 151 burns when it makes contact with your eye.
#044: Even days are mine, Odd days are yours.
#045: Cops frown upon 127mph on the NJ Turnpike.
#046: Cardboard boxes and wet roads are a recipe for disaster.
#047: Kenny does NOT hear everything that goes on outside his house.
#048: “You in the maroon Toyota, you’re gonna get arrested”
#049: The black hearse WILL follow you from Devils Tower.
#050: Mall rats are good people too.
#051: The first time I met Craig, it was at a party he was having, which later got raided.
#052: I fought the law, and the law won, several times.
#053: AAA has a hard time helping you, when you don’t know what state you are in.
#054: Raccoons cause some people to scream like little girls.
#055: If I say I’ll give you $5 to return my vodka bottle, I’m lying.
#056: My Ninja topped out at 172mph, I wouldn’t have done it had I been sober.
#057: I’ll turn your license plates upside down just to see if you’ll get pulled over.
#058: Certain Kid rock songs aren’t good for cheering people up in certain situations.
#059: Two car loads of drunken people should not use the White Castle drive-thru.
#060: Paperclip, scissors, tape and an electrical socket… no one ever wins.
#061: JuJubees thrown at oncoming traffic in winter can be very entertaining.
#062: Beer clings to a ceiling longer than most other beverages.
#063: If you’re a cute female working for Dominos, you’ll get larger tips and more often.
#064: When drunk, Kenny’s lamp table is almost as comfortable as his front steps to sleep on.
#065: Pretzels and chips dumped onto a moving ceiling fan makes a mess.
#066: Telling Aaron he just pissed on an old graveyard was very hysterical.
#067: Cops always knew where to find me in order to serve me my warrants.
#068: Don’t tell old men in Caddys to “move” or they’ll chase you down and threaten you.
#069: Wal-Mart employees don’t judge you when you buy beer, Tostitos, and condoms.
#070: Shiny objects often distract me.
#071: When taking someone’s cordless phone, make sure no one calls as you’re trying to leave.
#072: You can’t rape the willing.
#073: With a proper shot, a pool ball can go over 15ft, and miss the glass table.
#074: Some cars are not meant for winter driving, or even if it’s wet out.
#075: Wig-wag lights work just as good in a Mustang as they do in a police car.
#076: Pool Jousting was a great idea… one day it’ll happen.
#077: I don’t think Matt has a liver anymore, it’s not possible.
#078: A Chevy Aveo can do a wicked burnout on ice, and proves I should not get loaner cars.
#079: It was a great party when you wake up and have no clue whose house you are at.
#080: I drove all the way to VA beach for lunch at burger king
#081: Albinos with only one good eye creep me out
#082: Beer pong should be a nationally recognized sport.
#083: You can go fishing with rocks, you just need to throw them hard enough.
#084: Walking in 4 foot deep flood waters, probably wasn’t that healthy.
#085: I honestly don’t remember some people Facebook says I graduated with.
#086: When bored, I make up dumb **** like 100 Paul-Facts.
#087: When Facebook says I may know someone, I feel I should take their word about it.
#088: I once took a walk in anger, 3 hours later I had to call a friend to pick me up.
#089: A cat can get stuck in a computer printer.
#090: If you’re not drunk at one of my parties, you’re doing something wrong.
#091: Cats know when to be most annoying, and that’s when you are trying to sleep.
#092: An academic suspension at a community college only stays on record for 4 years.
#093: I enjoy making completely random new friends.
#094: I have an accident report on file with njmvc that states 1 person(me) involved but 2 killed.
#095: Diners are the best when you’re drunk.
#096: Putting 25 staples into the side of a tire makes it go flat fast, then you need to run.
#097: Twirling is NOT a sport.
#098: 5 out of 6 Dunkin Donuts won’t have the exact donut you want at 11:30pm.
#099: Doing 70mph sideways past a police station will get you a careless driving ticket.
#100: I didn’t drink till I was 21… WTF took me so long…