[Whiplash Performance]

Looks like I'm a real douche. I've owned two cars on that list and I also have my NASCAR driver's number on all of them.

1988-'03 Pontiac Grand Prix/1992-'05 Grand Am

Let’s face it: there’s not much shame in these Pontiacs falling to douchemobile status. Between these later Grand Prix and Grand Am cars, there was little to love anyway. When the power wasn’t anemic, it was unwieldy, yanking the wheel in torque steer. All this and Batmobile bodywork channeling a typical sixth-grader’s notebook sketches make up the academic apex of the typical douche piloting these cars. If you encounter men who drive these models, speak slowly and limit your syllables.

Douche-tinguishing feature: “No Fear” and/or “Pontiac Excitement” stickers


1995-'07 Chevrolet Monte Carlo

Douchemobile status is virtually assured when your car is not only pimped by cartoon characters (Tasmanian Devil), but comes in NASCAR editions too (Dale Earnhardt Sr. and Jr., Tony Stewart). It takes big, sleeveless shoulders to carry such a dubious honor, but the last-generation Monte Carlo manages that there real good. The slab-sided coupe was embarrassingly crude on its own, but when some fell into the hands of race-delusional douches, it became a joke that wrote its own punch line.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Stickers with NASCAR driver numbers -- or is it its owner’s IQ?