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06-08-2005, 11:41 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somerset County
Posts: 5,559
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Stupid kids....somewhat nws for written language
I hate kids.
I yearn for a world without any children. It would be a world of quiet airplanes, restaurants, and movie theatres: a world without playgrounds, circuses, and child proof caps. Drug dealers could ply their trade wherever they wanted, without having to worry about wandering into a school zone. Adult book stores would just be called book stores.
Nobody wants kids for the sake of having kids. Women want kids to prove that they have working vaginas. Having babies is the one thing us women can do, besides field hockey, which no man can do at all, let alone do better.
Ladies, if you want to impress people with your gash then shoot ping pong balls out of it; or use it to pick up a stack of quarters. Do you want to dazzle them? Then combine these two tricks as you sail through the exact change lane on the turnpike.
Men want to have kids because they were picked last in gym class. Or worse, they were captain of the high school football team and led their team to the State Title. But then a freak masturbation accident cut their college career short. Either way, they are determined to create little champions. So, they put creatine in their kid's Captain Crunch, and dose their juice boxes with anabolic steroids.
I don't care if your kid can jump over your house: it doesn't change the fact that you're still a loser. Now finish pumping my gas, and lick those bugs off my windshield if you want a tip. Your kid needs a pair of Adidas 1s doesn't he?
People have kids in the hopes that they will take care of them when they get old. Fat ****ing chance. Take the money you would have spent on orthodontia, college, and rehab; and put it into a nice no-load mutual fund. You'll be able to retire to a tropical island in your early fifties. Then let someone else's teenager bring you fruity drinks and give you a poolside happy ending massage.
If you have kids now, it's not too late to get rid of them. If you're still living at home, it's never too early to leave and give your parents a chance at happiness. Sweatshops and street gangs are both excellent options. Both offer a child the opportunity to learn a trade, and room for advancement. Both offer lifetime job security. How many people have that? If you're afraid you'll miss your kid buy a PSP I hear they're awesome. They play games, movies, and music. Your kid can't play music and they had 5 years of piano lessons.
Do you know what would happen if everyone stopped having kids? Nothing. Nothing would happen. The last generation would enjoy seventy years of peace and quiet. Human civilization would end? So what? Why do you care? You'll be dead either way. I hear that ferrets are pretty smart let's give them have a chance to run the planet. If you're the last person on earth just remember to turn out the lights.
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1999 Corvette FRC
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06-09-2005, 07:40 AM
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#2
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10 Second Club
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Hatfield, PA
Posts: 1,292
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Quote:
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Having babies is the one thing us women can do, besides field hockey, which no man can do at all, let alone do better
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so youre a woman?
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06-09-2005, 10:25 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 3,200
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I like kids.
Still against marriage. 
__________________
I USED TO HAVE an 85 Camaro 305 4bbl, 90 Firebird V6, 97 Firebird V6 (10 speakers!). Despite the two family vehicles, 3 kids, wife and mortgage, I can finally realize the dream - 88 TA almost all stock... for now.
http://www.cardomain.com/id/untameddave
Wanted this -  , but ended up with this -  for free. Can't argue with free.
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06-09-2005, 11:14 AM
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#4
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 53
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Re: Stupid kids....somewhat nws for written language
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Originally Posted by j0n
Take the money you would have spent on orthodontia, college, and rehab; and put it into a nice no-load mutual fund. You'll be able to retire to a tropical island in your early fifties.
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Very true. Pretty intense rant, its a good one
__________________
1996 Impala SS - stock except for cold air intake
Best 1/4 mile 14.81
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06-09-2005, 12:15 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: south jersey
Posts: 418
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Your parents should have taken your advice.... 
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06-09-2005, 12:30 PM
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#6
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2007 Member of the Year
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Seabrook, TX
Posts: 14,281
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 bwahahaha... yes jon... "use your gash to pick up a stack of quarters"
__________________
WF=DF
Kommandant of the ACL (Anti Canadian League)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LTb1ow
Junk the pos, spend the money on beer, acquire headache.
Same result cept this headache doesnt last months.
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06-09-2005, 07:05 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Haledon, NJ
Posts: 5,162
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Savage_Messiah
bwahahaha... yes jon... "use your gash to pick up a stack of quarters" |
~Ted
__________________
1989 IROC-Z 355 LT1 T56 Swapped
2016 Chevy Colorado LT 3.6 v6
2008 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo 4.7L RIP 12/29/2016
1998 Honda CBR 600F3
2003 Yamaha FX140
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06-09-2005, 08:11 PM
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#8
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Avatar Abuser
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: 08721-1716
Posts: 5,056
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Quote:
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Ladies, if you want to impress people with your gash then shoot ping pong balls out of it; or use it to pick up a stack of quarters. Do you want to dazzle them? Then combine these two tricks as you sail through the exact change lane on the turnpike.
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i'm still looking for the one that can do this...
__________________
JSFBOA
Save a life.
N = R* fp ne fl fi fc L
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06-09-2005, 10:47 PM
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#9
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Keyboard Tough Guy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Trenton, NJ
Posts: 6,341
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good one.
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06-09-2005, 10:50 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somerset County
Posts: 5,559
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nice double-post you post whore
__________________
1999 Corvette FRC
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06-09-2005, 10:53 PM
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#11
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Keyboard Tough Guy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Trenton, NJ
Posts: 6,341
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by j0n
nice double-post you post whore
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eh bite me ****er
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06-09-2005, 10:56 PM
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#12
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somerset County
Posts: 5,559
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by foff667
Quote:
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Originally Posted by j0n
nice double-post you post whore
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eh bite me ****er |
so the whole wife thing WAS just a ploy to make yourself look straight...I KNEW IT!
__________________
1999 Corvette FRC
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06-09-2005, 11:06 PM
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#13
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Keyboard Tough Guy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Trenton, NJ
Posts: 6,341
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by j0n
Quote:
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Originally Posted by foff667
Quote:
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Originally Posted by j0n
nice double-post you post whore
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eh bite me ****er |
so the whole wife thing WAS just a ploy to make yourself look straight...I KNEW IT! |
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