Ricers night before Christmas

[Featherburner]

Ricers Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light,
Was a Dark Trans Am and no cops in sight.
I will try, I will try, I will try with this small little motor,
To beat this fbod, even tho it has a blower.

As the light goes green and I pull like no joke,
The bird erupts in clouds of tire smoke.
Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin,
These are the names of my four VTEC pistons.

Racing ahead I'm the star of the action,
But I know I'm in trouble when the birdy gets traction.
Grabbing second, I hear the RPM's sing,
My mirror is blocked by my shopping kart wing.

I can now hear the roar of the big monster gaining,
All I can do is keep the four-banger straining.
In a second, the shock wave hits with a blast,
And my stickers go flying, now a thing of the past.

Don't bother with third, cause now it's too late,
Just try to act cool, like you can relate.
Looking up at the tail lights as they get smaller,
The driver backs off just to give me a holler,

"You can't win them all," he says with a fling,
"You may not win any, in that silly little thing,"
I smiled and revved as he pulled out of sight,
With more stickers tomorrow, I’ll give him a fight!

I thought this was mildly amusing so, I stole it from another board. If it's a repost... sue me.

[Anti_Rice_Guy]

Not a repost from this year at least. Never seen it before, that was pretty good.

Here's a Mechanic's night before christmas

"Tiz the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the house. The car was broke down.
The engine was sitting in the garage all trashed
I grabbed another beer. I think I’ll get smashed.
The kids in the house, it seems, just for fun,
Had hidden my tools I needed to get the car to run.
On the couch in the den, my wife had sat pouting;
I sat stunned at my workbench, trying to keep from shouting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that my ignition had something the matter.
There were sparks shooting out of the Coil and the Cap.
"No problem, " I thought. "I’ve got AutoTap. "
But I found out the car I thought was unstoppable
Had a PCM that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought. "I've got HPTuners right here.”
And then I remembered my cable was sent back for repair.
The tail pipe burped, and the lights all went out.
I could feel my blood pressure beginning to mount.
But nobody heard as I vented my rage.
The mechanics were all on vacation these days.
And no parts stores answered their phone.
I was nose deep in trouble, completely alone.
Then on the Garage door, I heard a soft knock.
As the hands just touched midnight on my Snap-On girlie clock...
"What's your problem?" he asked.
"Never mind friend, I know.
I checked out your website five hours ago.
I did some research on your methods, so
I knew that this time bomb was going to blow.
Who was this guy? Who did he think that he was?
He was dressed in red coveralls and black Craftsman gloves.
His eyes had the twinkle of a mechanical genius.
His smile cut down personal distance between us.
He rolled in his tools, and went straight to his work.
"Whoever built this engine’s a jerk,”
He said with a smile with no sign of any guilt,
Replaced some parts, and quickly rebuilt
A new MAF and Intake he quickly supplied
With a billet throttle body at least 90mm wide
Some custom tuning, at least I think so,
From engineer elves from the North Pole.
"Now a Cam, and Heads, even new Roller Rockers!"
He chanted as he threw out my old stockers.
"Cheer up, my good friend! Lose that mindset so tragic!
Mechanics often appear to be magic
To people who don't understand what we do.
Now the Lifters, the Pistons, and a set of Headers too!
Look at the clearances, check one and two,
Tweak a bit, test a bit, presto! We're through!"
My engine was back! The whole car checked out!
Tears of joy wet my face as I wandered about.
"How can I thank you? You must be Saint Nick!"
He said, “Really, my friend, it's not such a great trick,
If you don't give up hope, and keep a lid on your doubt,
And read all the forums on the F-Body Hideout.”
And I heard him exclaim, as his reindeer set loose,
"Merry Christmas to all! And consider Some Boooooost!……"

[Knipps]

Originally Posted by Anti_Rice_Guy

Not a repost from this year at least. Never seen it before, that was pretty good.

Here's a Mechanic's night before christmas

"Tiz the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the house. The car was broke down.
The engine was sitting in the garage all trashed
I grabbed another beer. I think I’ll get smashed.
The kids in the house, it seems, just for fun,
Had hidden my tools I needed to get the car to run.
On the couch in the den, my wife had sat pouting;
I sat stunned at my workbench, trying to keep from shouting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that my ignition had something the matter.
There were sparks shooting out of the Coil and the Cap.
"No problem, " I thought. "I’ve got AutoTap. "
But I found out the car I thought was unstoppable
Had a PCM that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought. "I've got HPTuners right here.”
And then I remembered my cable was sent back for repair.
The tail pipe burped, and the lights all went out.
I could feel my blood pressure beginning to mount.
But nobody heard as I vented my rage.
The mechanics were all on vacation these days.
And no parts stores answered their phone.
I was nose deep in trouble, completely alone.
Then on the Garage door, I heard a soft knock.
As the hands just touched midnight on my Snap-On girlie clock...
"What's your problem?" he asked.
"Never mind friend, I know.
I checked out your website five hours ago.
I did some research on your methods, so
I knew that this time bomb was going to blow.
Who was this guy? Who did he think that he was?
He was dressed in red coveralls and black Craftsman gloves.
His eyes had the twinkle of a mechanical genius.
His smile cut down personal distance between us.
He rolled in his tools, and went straight to his work.
"Whoever built this engine’s a jerk,”
He said with a smile with no sign of any guilt,
Replaced some parts, and quickly rebuilt
A new MAF and Intake he quickly supplied
With a billet throttle body at least 90mm wide
Some custom tuning, at least I think so,
From engineer elves from the North Pole.
"Now a Cam, and Heads, even new Roller Rockers!"
He chanted as he threw out my old stockers.
"Cheer up, my good friend! Lose that mindset so tragic!
Mechanics often appear to be magic
To people who don't understand what we do.
Now the Lifters, the Pistons, and a set of Headers too!
Look at the clearances, check one and two,
Tweak a bit, test a bit, presto! We're through!"
My engine was back! The whole car checked out!
Tears of joy wet my face as I wandered about.
"How can I thank you? You must be Saint Nick!"
He said, “Really, my friend, it's not such a great trick,
If you don't give up hope, and keep a lid on your doubt,
And read all the forums on the F-Body Hideout.”
And I heard him exclaim, as his reindeer set loose,
"Merry Christmas to all! And consider Some Boooooost!……"

i liked that one
hadn't heard it before either

[Anti_Rice_Guy]

I forgot to change f-body hideout to njfboa when i copied and pasted haha