are their more than this hahahahahahah

[johnjzjz]

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left
by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

jz

[sweetbmxrider]

some great witicisms jz!

[SteveR]

Originally Posted by johnjzjz

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

definitely stretches the definition of "peers"

[79CamaroDiva]

thanks

[35thls1ss19]

haha thats great!

[jims69camaro]

16. “Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

17. “When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”

18. “If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

19. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

20. “On the other hand, you have different fingers”

[Knipps]

Found these and thought of this thread...

· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
· Life is sexually transmitted.
· Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
· Some people are like Slinkys. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
· Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
· Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
· Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

[Anti_Rice_Guy]

The last one is sooo true.

[LS1Hawk]

Some Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey....

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Sometimes, when I lie in bed at night and look up at the stars, I think to myself, "Man! I really need to fix that roof."

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

[wretched73]

Originally Posted by johnjzjz

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

I'm going to have to ask my statistics teacher about this one....

[PolarBear]

Originally Posted by LS1Hawk

[/SIZE][/FONT]If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=-1]If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.