100 Paul-Facts

[V]

i got bored, so here goes....

100 Paul-Facts:
#001: The other name my parents were considering for me was Anton.
#002: I hate tomatoes, but I love ketchup.
#003: I had a potato cannon, now the Demarest police have a potato cannon.
#004: I first met Aaron because I wanted his car, then he sold it, and I was stuck as his friend.
#005: I’ve owned 60 cars, and can remember all of them.
#006: I believe Coke is better from cans and Pepsi is better from bottles.
#007: Putting firecrackers in smoke detectors, bad idea.
#008: A Volvo seatbelt tried to kill me once. Don’t drink and wrap seatbelts around your neck.
#009: The Ocean gave me back my margarine bucket.
#010: A bicycle can cause $900 in damage to a car door. That cop showed up quick.
#011: First day driving a sports car… sand and gravel plus rear wheel drive equals scary.
#012: We told Laurie we had extra parts, she didn’t find the humor in it.
#013: Cadillac cars can’t climb snow piles. The bumpers aren’t strong enough.
#014: A proper size ball of dirt can bring down a moped and its rider.
#015: Frosty the Snowman never did anything to us. We were just bored.
#016: Raw hamburger meat sticks to wood siding surprisingly well.
#017: Wild rabbits don’t eat ice cubes.
#018: Oregano rolled in pieces of newspaper, yet another bad idea.
#019: I really did meet 2 girls that night, Aaron and his mom wouldn’t believe me.
#020: Bumping your head into a window can result in a shattered window.
#021: Running in place, on ice, while drunk, doesn’t end well.
#022: When crawling under a truck, watch out for hot exhaust pipes.
#023: Gummi bears ARE capable of sticking to the hood of a moving car.
#024: At 150mph, watch out for Toyotas that seem to appear out of no where.
#025: Cell phones can’t swim, no matter how much they say they can.
#026: Everclear and tonic water shot… they lied, the tonic does NOT take away the bite.
#027: Cops don’t accept beer when responding to noise complaints.
#028: If the Burger King shows up again, I won’t forget the cheeseburger in my pocket this time.
#029: Cops don’t search fat kids for eggs.
#030: I can’t dance, don’t ask me to for your own sake.
#031: A .39 BAC is my limit.
#032: Sport bikes and cops come close to hitting brand new BMWs.
#033: Wicker baskets don’t make good hats.
#034: If I make shots, don’t ask what’s in it, just take it.
#035: A car’s tire will beat a skateboard every time.
#036: If you steal a video camera, steal the battery charger too.
#037: Putting plastic wrap around cars is surprisingly fun.
#038: A ceiling lamp left on the trunk of my car one night apparently symbolized I am “bright”.
#039: I should have thought twice when I said “just don’t hit me in the face”
#040: An antenna ripped off one car makes a good tool for breaking into another.
#041: Six people can lift the back of a Honda CRX and move it across a parking lot.
#042: Tree branch, ladder, and chainsaw… can result in personal injury.
#043: Bacardi 151 burns when it makes contact with your eye.
#044: Even days are mine, Odd days are yours.
#045: Cops frown upon 127mph on the NJ Turnpike.
#046: Cardboard boxes and wet roads are a recipe for disaster.
#047: Kenny does NOT hear everything that goes on outside his house.
#048: “You in the maroon Toyota, you’re gonna get arrested”
#049: The black hearse WILL follow you from Devils Tower.
#050: Mall rats are good people too.
#051: The first time I met Craig, it was at a party he was having, which later got raided.
#052: I fought the law, and the law won, several times.
#053: AAA has a hard time helping you, when you don’t know what state you are in.
#054: Raccoons cause some people to scream like little girls.
#055: If I say I’ll give you $5 to return my vodka bottle, I’m lying.
#056: My Ninja topped out at 172mph, I wouldn’t have done it had I been sober.
#057: I’ll turn your license plates upside down just to see if you’ll get pulled over.
#058: Certain Kid rock songs aren’t good for cheering people up in certain situations.
#059: Two car loads of drunken people should not use the White Castle drive-thru.
#060: Paperclip, scissors, tape and an electrical socket… no one ever wins.
#061: JuJubees thrown at oncoming traffic in winter can be very entertaining.
#062: Beer clings to a ceiling longer than most other beverages.
#063: If you’re a cute female working for Dominos, you’ll get larger tips and more often.
#064: When drunk, Kenny’s lamp table is almost as comfortable as his front steps to sleep on.
#065: Pretzels and chips dumped onto a moving ceiling fan makes a mess.
#066: Telling Aaron he just pissed on an old graveyard was very hysterical.
#067: Cops always knew where to find me in order to serve me my warrants.
#068: Don’t tell old men in Caddys to “move” or they’ll chase you down and threaten you.
#069: Wal-Mart employees don’t judge you when you buy beer, Tostitos, and condoms.
#070: Shiny objects often distract me.
#071: When taking someone’s cordless phone, make sure no one calls as you’re trying to leave.
#072: You can’t rape the willing.
#073: With a proper shot, a pool ball can go over 15ft, and miss the glass table.
#074: Some cars are not meant for winter driving, or even if it’s wet out.
#075: Wig-wag lights work just as good in a Mustang as they do in a police car.
#076: Pool Jousting was a great idea… one day it’ll happen.
#077: I don’t think Matt has a liver anymore, it’s not possible.
#078: A Chevy Aveo can do a wicked burnout on ice, and proves I should not get loaner cars.
#079: It was a great party when you wake up and have no clue whose house you are at.
#080: I drove all the way to VA beach for lunch at burger king
#081: Albinos with only one good eye creep me out
#082: Beer pong should be a nationally recognized sport.
#083: You can go fishing with rocks, you just need to throw them hard enough.
#084: Walking in 4 foot deep flood waters, probably wasn’t that healthy.
#085: I honestly don’t remember some people Facebook says I graduated with.
#086: When bored, I make up dumb **** like 100 Paul-Facts.
#087: When Facebook says I may know someone, I feel I should take their word about it.
#088: I once took a walk in anger, 3 hours later I had to call a friend to pick me up.
#089: A cat can get stuck in a computer printer.
#090: If you’re not drunk at one of my parties, you’re doing something wrong.
#091: Cats know when to be most annoying, and that’s when you are trying to sleep.
#092: An academic suspension at a community college only stays on record for 4 years.
#093: I enjoy making completely random new friends.
#094: I have an accident report on file with njmvc that states 1 person(me) involved but 2 killed.
#095: Diners are the best when you’re drunk.
#096: Putting 25 staples into the side of a tire makes it go flat fast, then you need to run.
#097: Twirling is NOT a sport.
#098: 5 out of 6 Dunkin Donuts won’t have the exact donut you want at 11:30pm.
#099: Doing 70mph sideways past a police station will get you a careless driving ticket.
#100: I didn’t drink till I was 21… WTF took me so long…

[bubba428]

wow this the most self centered post I've ever seen...j/k go shoot some sand monkeys

101: stalking IS a sport

[DevilDougWS6]

wow, i read all of those. i must be just as bored as you.

[ShitOnWheels]

YES! Someone else as weird as me, re: pepsi vs coke, can vs bottle. lol

[maroman88]

i read em all too lol

[Frosty]

Originally Posted by DevilDougWS6

wow, i read all of those. i must be just as bored as you.

Originally Posted by maroman88

i read em all too lol

[5.7TA]

now that's some funny sh** man

102: Beer + 2AM + Dennys can result in fight between cowboy dressed in pink collar shirt and friend who likes to F** w/people

[OxForzaxoXo]

I definitely read them all too.


My question is... what the hell is a JuJubees?

[V]

like gummi candy, like he size of a small grape lol, its in a yellow box, maybe its called jujufruits, i dunno , we'd hold them outside the car window to get them cold and hard and then toss them out in front of on coming traffic. it'd be like little rocks. if you licked them theyd stick together and you could make a huge ball of rock hard candy. we had cars chase us a few times, but never got caught, we were young and stupid. then we moved up to candy orange slices and stuck the jujus to them as well...

[Knipps]

#034: If I make shots, don’t ask what’s in it, just take it.

[bubba428]

Originally Posted by SmokingSS

like gummi candy, like he size of a small grape lol, its in a yellow box, maybe its called jujufruits, i dunno , we'd hold them outside the car window to get them cold and hard and then toss them out in front of on coming traffic. it'd be like little rocks. if you licked them theyd stick together and you could make a huge ball of rock hard candy. we had cars chase us a few times, but never got caught, we were young and stupid. then we moved up to candy orange slices and stuck the jujus to them as well...

juju glider?

[V]

i dunno if you people were just deprived or retarted... movie theaters used to sell 'em a lot.

we'd use jujyfruits more i think because they were larger and made more sound, plus some flavors were ok to eat while doing this.. but they get stuck to ur teeth.

jujubes:


jujyfruits:




and bubba, that didnt make sense... ya lost me

[bubba428]

candy orange slices flatened out with jujubees stuck under it will act similar to a paper air plane and cause a more dramatic effect when landing on a passing car ...kinda sounds like a fwap

[camaroAL]

that all just made my head hurt...lol

[LS1ow]

i lol'ed a few times. this is an amazing thread!

[69BirdX]

read them all hilarious. But do i want to ask about this?


094: I have an accident report on file with njmvc that states 1 person(me) involved but 2 killed.

[V]

Originally Posted by 69BirdX

read them all hilarious. But do i want to ask about this?


094: I have an accident report on file with njmvc that states 1 person(me) involved but 2 killed.

lets go back to Christmas night 2005... it was snowing heavy, and i mean heavy. 6+ inches on the ground within a short time, well, i had an 87 fullsize bronco. i took it downtown in my town to mess around in the parking lots, trying to do donuts... no dice, the bronco gripped too well, so i headed home. on the road, you could only really see under where the street lights were, and the snow falling in the pools of light, kinda blocked ur vision further ahead. Roads were unplowed but i was doing fine, and about 30mph. As i entered one "pool" of light i see something on the other side, 2 sets of car headlights stopped on the left side facing me, i figured that they had gotten stuck. Then i see It was because a pine tree that had fallen across the road, the main trunk about 2 feet thick and branches sticking up at least 4feet high. The first stopped car had hit it, hood was crumpled back, horn was going off constant. Well, back to me, by the time i saw the tree there was no slowing down, so i said f it, and i punched it and held on. i hit it, turning the whole trunk and also high centering my bronco on the tree. i shut it off and climbed out, through pine branches. the other people who had been stopped said they tried to warn me but there was no visibility. they asked in i was fine bout if my truck was ok, i checked it out and all that happened was i broke a fog light lens, lol. Well, now the cops had already been called for the other car so we waited. they brough a back hoe to help lift my truck up and dispose of the tee. The cops asked about damage, and if it was over 500 bucks, i said no. the cop told me then it was only an incident report not an accident and would not be filed with the nj dmv.

fast forward a lil over a year, i have my gf's dad at the time run my license to check my record just for the hell of it, since he was a cop. he told me there were 2 accidents on my record. so i went to the dmv to get copies.
one turned out to be the christmas bronco "incident" and the other when i backed into a car illegally parked behind my driveway. both had way under 500 worth of damage and should not have been reported, but during an administration changeover and cleanup, someone found the reports and accidentally submitted them to the dmv....

now the part about the 2 killed, well the report states, 1 vehicle involved and explains what happened and how i was the driver with no passengers. but in the block on the police report where it asks "# killed", they entered "2"...i was like WTF! my gf joked maybe there were 2 squirels in the tree. haha. And they even put down the wrong VIN number, it was kinda close. i did check with my insurance company if i was being charged for any accidents and my agent at the time, a friends mom, said no and not to worry about it. when i told her the 2 "killed" part she then agreed i should get the reports removed. So i go back to my police department and raise hell, dmv said the reports could be removed with a letter from the cheif. So i get that without much problem since they admitted their mistake.
BTW i never got back to dmv with that letter, so to this day that report is still on file. maybe ill do it in Sept when i visit my local PD again. and yes that was a very long story for a simple answer.... lol

[79CamaroDiva]

this is why we need you back home paul... amazing.

[69BirdX]

I knew that where was going to be some long crazy story. Ha ha you need to write a book about your life